A scare at the doctor's office

This week marks our 15th week of the pregnancy! And thank goodness, we had a doctor's appt this week. I was anxious to hear that all was going well with the baby. Anytime you go awhile without hearing or seeing the baby's heartbeat, you get very anxious for the next appt to make sure everything is okay.
We met with Dr. Burman on Friday morning, the 9th. This was to be the first appt where we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. In the previous appts, the baby was so tiny that it was best to use an ultrasound to see the baby's heartbeat. But at 15 weeks along, the baby is over 4" long now! So I laid back on the exam table with my belly exposed. The doctor squirted the gel on my belly, and then used the fetal heart monitor to locate the baby's heartbeat. Edward and I were soooo ready to hear that little heartbeat! The doctor seemed to be taking awhile to locate the heartbeat...and with each passing second Edward and I were getting more worried. I kept looking over at Edward, and he kept looking right back at me, and I know we were both thinking the exact same thing. Meanwhile, the doctor is still trying to find the baby's heartbeat, moving that little monitor all over my belly. The doctor was trying to chat with me at the same time, but I was completely tuning him out. The only thing I was listening for was the beautiful sound of my baby's heartbeat. Which we weren't hearing. The doctor could sense we were about to start freaking out. Then we thought we heard a faint heartbeat, but the doctor said he couldn't be sure that wasn't my own heartbeat. So then he said he'll just go straight to the ultrasound machine to make sure the baby was fine. So I lose it at this point and start crying. Edward comes running over and grabs my hand tightly, and he was about to get pretty emotional too.
I made sure the doctor understood that this was feeling too much like deja vu for us. The last time a doctor was trying to find my baby's heartbeat was when I was in labor with Avalon at 40 weeks and 5 days. We had just arrived at the hospital, as I was in full on labor. I was getting admitted, and with that being hooked up to the contraction monitor. Then nurse Jerri used the fetal heart monitor to locate Avalon's heartbeat. Which should could never locate. Then they used an ultrasound machine to confirm that Avalon's heartbeat was gone...
So back to Friday morning, where I'm crying and the doctor is putting the ultrasound wand on my belly. I'm of course thinking the worst. I know what it means when you can't hear the baby's heartbeat. I've already had my heart broken once. I can't go through that again. I can't lose anymore of my children. So right as the doctor gets the wand moving on my belly, he locates the baby right away. He lets me know he sees the baby. Well of course he sees the baby, I know the baby is still in there! But the million dollar question that I yell out is, "Do you see the heartbeat?!" He says yes, the baby is fine, and he shows us Cupcake's heartbeat. We see for ourselves that the baby has a nice, strong heartbeat. Then we see the baby kick and move around. Dr. Burman figures the baby was just in a weird position or something, and the heartbeat monitor couldn't pick it up. Or, he said maybe he just needs to change the batteries in the machine. The doctor apologized about 10 times for worrying us. But it's not his fault. I warned him we are paranoid about losing another baby, and we are going to freak out over the smallest things this entire pregnancy.
I told the doctor I kind of think I've been feeling the baby move around a little, but I'm not sure. I said I don't want to assume it's the baby when it's not, so I have just been chalking it up to digestion, gas, stomach growling, etc. He said no, it honestly probably is the baby I've been feeling. So that got me excited.
Needless to say, after that morning, I really didn't want to go to work. I was extremely emotional about the scare we had gone through, and I'm mentally trying to prepare myself for Avalon's first birthday this week. I ended up leaving work early. I just couldn't concentrate, and my work just feels so unimportant right now.
I'm pretty sure I felt the baby move tonight while we were eating dinner. If it wasn't Cupcake, I don't know what it was! I'm taking this Tuesday and Wednesday off of work this week. Avalon's 1st birthday is only 3 days away, so we are headed to the Bay Area to visit her grave and celebrate her birthday there. I have a cute little cake on order in honor of her birthday. I've got a couple of other ideas as to how we are going to celebrate also. It's going to be a very emotional week for us. Can't believe my little sweetheart in Heaven is turning 1 years old already!

Here is a photo of Cupcake that was taken during the impromptu ultrasound this week. This is the only photo we got. In case you can't tell, the photo is of Cupcake's face/skull, and the baby is facing sideways.