The growing Roza family: Milk

While I was in the hospital after giving birth to Lilah, the nursing staff and lactation consultants led me to believe that I had a great supply of milk. In fact, the lactation consultant said I might have too much. She said my milk might be squirting at Lilah causing her to spit up, so I was encouraged to pump off a few mL's before each nursing session. I thought I was in a great position - plenty of milk, no need to worry!
Because Lilah was such a sleepy baby, she wasn't very demanding when it came time to eat. For the first couple of weeks we had to wake her up and prompt her to start nursing. When she was done nursing, she always seemed satiated. And she gave us plenty of dirty and wet diapers, so we didn't think there was any issue with my milk supply. But because Lilah had lost so much weight in the hospital, we had always been worried about her weight, so Edward bought a baby scale just in case. Right when the scale arrived at the house, we weighed Lilah. Our scale said she weighed only 6 lbs. We thought maybe the scale was a bit off, maybe it wasn't as sensitive as the scale at her pediatrician's office. She was almost 3 weeks old, so surely she weighed more than 6 lbs. She must have at least been back to her birth weight (6 lbs 2 oz) by now. Newborns are supposed to be back to their birth weight by 2 weeks after their delivery.
I had talked to a lactation consultant on the phone earlier that week who had assured me that 30 to 40+ minute nursing sessions were normal for the newborn trying to get back up to her birth weight, so she seemed to ease my concerns about Lilah's long feeding sessions. Then a couple of days later, Lilah nursed on my left side for almost an hour and a half one night. Then, when she pulled off, she acted like she was still hungry. I was thoroughly confused by this. I thought I had plenty of milk, so surely Lilah must have just been going through a "cluster feeding". Especially considering she was giving us plenty of wet/dirty diapers. However, due to a cracked and very painful right nipple, I had started pumping on the right side until my nipple healed. That is when I realized the amount I was pumping out really wasn't much at all. That is when Edward and I had an epiphany -- Lilah wasn't getting enough milk. She wasn't simply cluster feeding. She was very hungry and was trying to nurse for a long time to get sufficient milk. Her lack of weight gain confirmed this.
At this point, Lilah's health was our top priority. I had to put my ideals about exclusively breastfeeding on hold. We had an almost 3 week old who was just under 6 lbs, and not even back to her birth weight. That was not okay. I clearly wasn't producing enough milk for her, and we had burned through my frozen supply of milk very quickly. So we broke down and busted out a small canister of formula that we happened to have on hand. We had received it in the mail as a sample while I was pregnant with Lilah. I had really wanted Lilah to have only my milk, but we were so worried about her lack of weight gain that we had no choice but to supplement with formula.
We saw dramatic results right away. Lilah gained about 5 oz in 2-3 days. Over the last week and a half that she has been receiving the formula supplement, her weight has jumped several times. She was 6 lbs 5 oz last Friday, 6 lbs 9 oz by last Sunday, 6 lbs 13 oz by the beginning of this week, and as of last night she is up to 6 lbs 15 oz. So we have an almost 7 lb baby now, thank goodness! Her weight gain is still on the low end and we have to get her caught up, but we are so happy that she is gaining weight and seems to be thriving. In fact, she no longer fits her preemie clothing, and her newborn clothing is fitting much better now. I think her cheeks have filled out a little bit, and her legs don't look quite as skinny now.
So I've basically been pumping every 2-3 hours to try and boost my milk supply, and Lilah is being bottle-fed all of my available milk as well as the formula supplement. Based on what I have been pumping out over the last week, I am making slightly less than half of what I need to be making to fulfill Lilah's needs. This makes me feel very disappointed, guilty, anxious, etc. I feel terrible that I can't make what I need to feed her on my own. I also feel like I was starving my baby for 2 weeks without even knowing it. But we just didn't have many warning signs until just recently when everything kind of came together at once. My hope is that I will still be able to increase my milk production so that in the near future I will be able to feed Lilah 100% with my milk only. I know that some breast milk is better than no breast milk. And about 50% of her food intake is my milk. That's good. But I really hope that with my hard work and efforts, I can still build my supply for her. Just yesterday we rented a hospital-grade breast pump and I have been using that since last night. It's supposed to be more effective than my own pump. And I ordered some herbal tea online today that is supposed to be pretty effective in boosting a woman's milk supply. I pray that through one method or another, my milk production will start increasing!